hopealcocer.com

Seven months ago I was happily celebrating an engagement to my high school best friend— we were counting down to our dream wedding, and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Evan has always been an irreplaceable constant in my life and someone who, in the past, I couldn’t do life without. Evan has always been a person that regardless of where I was in my life, no matter what battle I was fighting or what success I was celebrating, he was there through it all. After his four month stint to Afghanistan and returning safe and sound, I found myself wanting nothing more than to know that he was safe and mine forever. He asked me to be his wife, and I said yes without any hesitation, and the biggest grin on my face —so the bliss began. The support and love from those closest to us was overwhelming and unexpected, as this was a decision that not many people saw coming so soon. It’s so crazy how life can change in an instant; yet in just another instant, change all over again.

Just seven months ago I was trying on designer wedding gowns—glowing, absolutely glowing, because I was so happy that my soldier was home and I was going to get to be his bride. Just seven months ago I was counting down until the day I walked down the aisle holding my dad’s arm and meeting Evan at the altar. Just seven months ago we were grinning, laughing, and making plans. I thought this was it….I thought I had crossed the finish line in the lessons of love and heartbreak, and I could finally begin to create a life with another person. I truly hoped and thought it would be happily ever after. 

Now here I write on my month getaway in Chicago, away from my familiar routine to reflect on what went wrong and what caused such an abrupt halt in our love story. While all of these details remain private and are between Evan and I, the lesson I wish to share with my subscribers, readers, and followers is that sometimes the thing you think you want the most is not necessarily what’s best for your life’s journey. And when you do come to this harsh realization, it is so important to follow your inner voice and do what’s right - even if it’s difficult and is painful. Cliche? Yes— but so true. Sometimes the best decision is the hardest.

While nobody knows what the future holds and what lies ahead, it is at this time that Evan and I have come to the realization that the thing we wanted the most is not what’s best for the both of us. It’s embarrassing and it’s been a painful journey, but loving someone also means making decisions that are best for the other, even if they’re the most difficult. 

We ended up calling off our wedding because both of us felt that this is not the right time to make a commitment and lifelong decision such as this with so many obstacles in the way. The distance, the strain, and the stress won this battle of love. We both have come to realize that love, life, and marriage are not supposed to be this hard. It was a painful decision, but a decision I feel was better made before our wedding day rather than after the fact.

Someone asked me if I regret saying ” yes” when he was on one knee seven months ago.  No, I do not regret it. Had I not said yes and given this love a try, I would have forever wondered “what if”. I didn’t want Evan to be a “What If”. His and my history, memories, experiences, and love deserved so much more than walking away with a what-if. My personality is one that has left me with far too many “what if’s” in my life, and I wasn’t about to let Evan be one of them. I’ve also come to realize that the right kinds of love are not always the most dramatic, bold, and tumultuous. This isn’t Sex and the City, and life isn’t a Nicholas Sparks novel. The best kind of love is one that is calming on the spirit, easy on the heart, fulfilling and completing. This has been a tough milestone in our lives— but a milestone I know we are both strong enough to overcome. 

<3. Hope